By Katie Van Dyke
Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster of desires and uncertainties. In one instance I’m on a high feeling, confident and excited about something and then in the very next instance I’m brought low, feeling doubtful and confused about the very same thing. I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. I am sure everyone has felt this way at some point. No one is immune to feelings of doubt and uncertainty. It is a result of the fall. Before Genesis 3, the Lord had a perfect system in order. There was no need for uncertainty or doubts about purpose and role. God had created everything in absolute perfection. However, when sin entered the picture, everything became corrupt and skewed. Adam and Eve’s eyes were then opened up in ways they never should have been and confusion was a direct result of that.
Certainty and Uncertainty…In the Same Breath
As a woman, I can attest to the fact that I have been plagued by this. For a number of reasons, either from circumstances, hormones, or just a bad day, women can sometimes face these ups and downs to a greater degree. Not all women struggle with their emotions, but many do. Lately, I have gone back and forth on the same issues several times in one week (and sometimes in one day!). It can be extremely distressing to be so absolutely certain about one aspect of life and then, literally in the next breath, be so absolutely uncertain about that same thing.
The issue that I have struggled with the most is wrestling between the desire for singleness and the desire for marriage. Earlier this year, I experienced a situation where I was absolutely certain I was called to get married. After some time, though, the Lord made it clear that was not his will. I then was so absolutely certain he was calling me to singleness for life. In both of these instances, there was so much excitement and anticipation. And, in the few months since I experienced this drastic change in desire and focus, I have been back and forth on the issue numerous times. If you have ever experienced a shift in thinking of this caliber, you understand when I say you really start to feel crazy after a while. I started questioning my whole purpose in life and if I really was desiring what the Lord desires. How in the world can I be so certain about something and then do a complete 180 in the next moment?
Sovereign, Unchanging God
I cannot fully answer exactly why we seem to change our minds so easily. I do know (as stated earlier) it is, ultimately, a result of the fall. We have been cursed by sin and part of that curse is confusion and chaos. It points to the fact that we are finite creatures with finite minds. Although it’s clear that we are living in a fallen world, it’s not always clear why the Lord seems to call us in different directions or allows us to be so tossed about by our emotions. Sometimes he does give us complete clarity in our different situations, but, as in the life of Job, many times he does not. He does not promise us all the answers, and rightfully so. He is God. We are not. He is creator. We are creature.
But, don’t lose heart. There is something in which we can be absolutely certain and confident: our God is sovereign. He has already ordained a specific plan for each of us. We are promised that his plan can never be thwarted (Job 42:2). We are promised that his plan and thoughts are always above our own (Isaiah 55:9). Not only is he completely sovereign, but he is also unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8, Revelation 1:8). He is not easily tossed about by emotion or circumstances. He is completely steadfast and constant. There is nothing that catches him by surprise. There is nothing that can stand in his way. Just take a moment to breath in this beautiful truth. Let it bring you great encouragement and peace. We don’t need to have everything figured out, because he already does.
One Day at a Time
I have been able to stay grounded only through confidence in God and his unchanging, sovereign character. I still have no idea what his specific plan is for me as far as singleness or marriage goes. Every day I seem to feel differently about it. I am not letting this cause me to be overcome with despair and doubt, though. Instead, I am grateful for God’s certainty. I am resting in the promise that he knows what is coming. All I can do now is take it one day at a time. Today I am single, so today I will use my singleness to bring him glory and further his kingdom. That may change tomorrow or next week or next year (or never). For now, I will live each day according to the gift of singleness he has given me. So, don’t be discouraged and distracted with the uncertainties of life and trying to figure out your special calling. It matters not which specific gift or circumstance he has given, but, instead, how we are using it for his glory.
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