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Topics: Womanhood, Women

How Single Women Can Resist the “Just Talking” Movement

September 16, 2013

just talking


by Katie Van Dyke

A couple of weeks ago, JD Gunter wrote an excellent post on the phenomena of “just talking”, a new and confusing category of relationship between a guy and a girl. Last week, he went even deeper and called for greater responsibility in men while pursuing relationships with women. As a single woman, I have found myself in this bizarre “relationship” phase more than I would like to admit. JD’s words to single men is exactly the encouragement these men need, and I pray that they will be challenged by it and seek more fully what godly pursuit means. But what about single women? How should we respond if we find ourselves in this situation? What can we do to safeguard ourselves against this “just talking” phase? (Of course, some single women can have a direct role in “just talking” and actually be the instigators of it. Trillia Newbell has some very wise and helpful words in her recent post of the woman’s role in this relationship conundrum.

Just say no to “just talking”

For most single women, it can be extremely easy to get sucked into “just talking” with a single man. We have a deep desire to be pursued and many of us have been waiting a while for a godly man to come along and sweep us off our feet. We have grown impatient, so when a guy shows any kind of interest at all we grasp ahold of it tightly and try not to let go. To us, any kind of attention is better than no attention at all. Single women, I encourage you to fight against this kind of thinking. Our desire to be pursued  is a good and beautiful part of our femininity. Therefore, if you find yourself in the vague situation of ‘just talking’ get yourself out of there and quick. Save yourself from the day to day pain of confusion and the eventual heartache when the guy suddenly loses interest and moves on.

Also, removing ourselves from these situations benefits the men. When we allow men to continue being vague and non-committal, we are just encouraging them to move further and further away from their God given role to pursue. In fact, Proverbs 18:22 even states that a man obtains favor with the Lord when he finds a wife. Pursuit by men is a good and biblical thing. By allowing men to be weak in their pursuit, we continue to feed into their minds that being vague and non-committal is perfectly appropriate and doesn’t hurt anyone.  Ladies, we must remove and prevent ourselves from being in these situations not only to protect our hearts, but also to encourage men to be more disciplined in their pursuit of women.

Waiting on the Lord

I have been reminded over and over again in my singleness of one word—patience. I know it’s a scary word. I find myself fighting with this word every single day. Being patient is extremely difficult. We are surrounded by a culture that teaches us to hate waiting. Do-it-yourself is a growing trend in just about every area of life. Why wait when we can take control and do it in our own timing?  While this do-it-yourself mindset is not wrong in and of itself, it can definitely become a hindrance when we allow it to interfere in our spiritual walk. We are to always wait on God and his timing (Psalm 27:14, 37:34). Does that mean we are to be inactive? Absolutely not. As believers in Christ, we are called to act in many situations. The Lord has graciously entrusted us with a lot of responsibilities. However, nothing should be done without constant prayer and careful consideration of the Scriptures. When we decide waiting is for the birds and instead take charge ourselves, the result is almost always catastrophic, whether immediately or long term. Think of Abraham and Hagar (Genesis 16, 21) or Moses striking the rock (Numbers 20). Impatience is just a way of saying, “Lord, your way is not good enough for me. Yeah, you are creator and completely sovereign, but I think I can do this better.” The Lord has promised us his provision and protection and goodness (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28). We can trust that all his plans for us cannot and will not be thwarted (Job 42:2). Sure, his timing may not be instant, but it is always, always, perfect.

So, single women, we must not lose heart in our waiting to be pursued. We must not become impatient and allow ourselves to fall into the “just talking” trap. Wanting to be pursued is a good thing, but let’s wait for a man that will pursue with intention and with integrity.


Katie Van Dyke currently lives in Houston, where she works for an energy company downtown. In her free time, she enjoys reading, writing, and watching movies. As a single woman, she knows the day to day struggles singleness can bring and has a heart to encourage other young women in the same stage of life. Her main passions in life are family and biblical womanhood, and hopes, Lord willing, to one day become a godly wife and mother. Her other passions in life are macaroni and cheese and bacon. Read more from Katie at

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