By Brittany Lind
Being a bride-to-be can be an incredibly sweet and exciting time. It can also be a quite challenging time, filled with temptations and anxieties that are uncharted in a woman’s life until the sparkling engagement ring slides on her finger. Wedding planning can turn even the most laid-back girl into a stressed filled bride-zilla. Praise God that even then, we can find the truth of his word to be a very present help in time of need, silencing the lies that our flesh, the enemy and the self-obsessed wedding industry entice us to believe.
Lie #1: This is my day.
False. Though this day will and should bring much joy, scripture makes clear that marriage is God’s doing and that he has created it in order that the covenant love of Christ for his bride, the Church, might be put on display. In the first “wedding” of all time, Genesis 2:22 explains that after causing a deep sleep to come over Adam, God creates Eve out of one of his ribs and brings her to him. Also in Mark 10:8-9, while referring back to this scene in Genesis, Jesus explains that, “’The two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” God not only created Adam and Eve, but he was the One who brought Eve to Adam and joined them together as husband and wife. John Piper explains in his book, Momentary Marriage, that “when a couple speaks their vows, it is not a man or a woman or a pastor or parent who is the main actor — the main doer. God is. God joins a husband and a wife into a one-flesh union.” Therefore, contrary to what the bridal magazine may say, a wedding day is not meant to showcase how perfectly the bride’s pearly white teeth match her dress or how tiny she trimmed down her waist. A wedding day is a day that God has brought about and is meant to be gloriously God-centered, and not self-centered.
Lie #2: Everything must be perfect.
False. Not to mention, impossible. The curse touches every part of our lives and although grace is at work redeeming all that sin destroyed, on this side of heaven, absolute perfection will never be a reality, not even on our wedding day. Take a deep breath, relax and seek to put your trust in Jesus, the one who was perfect on our behalf. Not only is the God we place our hope in perfect, but we also have the promise that he is all-wise and sovereignly working all the seemingly “imperfect” things together for our good. The unwelcomed pimple that shows up in the middle of your chin, the klutzy trip up to the altar, the uncooperative flower girl, the bridesmaid that passes out while standing at your side, challenging family dynamics—yes, this too is included in the “all things” of Romans 8:28 that are working together for your good and in order that you might be conformed into the likeness of Christ. Yet another reminder, it is about him, not you.
Lie #3: To have a beautiful wedding you must spend a lot of money.
False. It is possible to have a budget and to stick to that budget while planning a wedding. Be creative and resourceful! Find a dress off the rack instead of special ordering one for full price. Think through friends that could fit your dress, help with your hair, play music, or help decorate. Consider ways to cut corners. Have people RSVP via email or online in order to save on postage costs. Make your own boutonnieres and bouquets out of silk flowers for your wedding party. A low budget wedding day is possible, however, it may mean that you need to be flexible and willing to let go of some of your ideals or childhood fantasies. Disappointing? Perhaps. But again, remember what this day is about—displaying God’s covenant love. Surely the lack of chair covers at the reception or roses adorning the aisle will not turn people away in disgust or distract them from hearing the powerful vows exchanged as a covenant is made before God.
Lie #4: My fiancé doesn’t care about wedding planning and can’t help me with it.
False. Your fiancé loves you and cares immensely about the day you will enter into a covenant with one another, he just hasn’t been reading wedding magazines and putting on pretend weddings since he was five. Give him grace and try not to put unrealistic expectations on him. Be thankful for the balance he can help bring to your wedding day tunnel vision. Practically speaking, think of things that he would enjoy helping with such as creating the order of service for the ceremony, putting together a playlist for dinner music, researching reception venues, or planning a getaway after the wedding.
Lie #5: I’m stressed and planning a wedding so it is ok if I turn into bride-zilla at times.
False. Being under the stress of wedding planning is not an excuse to sin. God’s word is clear-do not be anxious about anything (Phil. 4:6), be kind and tenderhearted to one another (Eph. 4:32), consider others as more significant than yourself (Phil. 2:3), let your speech always be gracious (Col. 4:6). These are commands. They do not have conditions after them saying be kind and tenderhearted unless you are 25 days away from getting married and feel overwhelmed by your to-do list. Sin is sin and Jesus died for sinners. Go to him, ask for forgiveness and find his grace to be sufficient during your season of wedding planning.
Fighting these lies (and others) with the truth of his word is a crucial part of preparing for your wedding because at the end of the day, your wedding day will be just that, one day. Unlike the flowers in your bouquet, the glorious realities God created your marriage to showcase will never fade away. May your one day cause you to long all the more for the day when Christ, our bridegroom, will return for his bride.
Brittany Lind is newly married and lives with her husband, Joel, in Louisville, Kentucky. She was born and raised in a small town in Upper Michigan and went to Northwestern College in St. Paul, Minnesota. After graduating in 2009 with a degree in Kinesiology, she worked in Campus Ministries at Northwestern overseeing Missions and discipling women. Brittany worked at Southern Seminary but currently assists CBMW administratively while her husband finishes his masters in Christian Ministry. They are members of Third Avenue Baptist Church in Louisville, deeply desire to become parents and plan to go overseas longterm.