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by Trillia Newbell

12I was an abortionist. No I never put the knife to a mother’s womb and cut out the growing child. And I never administered a pill to a woman in her first trimester. I never did anything physically that would qualify me as an abortionist, except for vote. I was pro-choice because, like much of America, I believed that a woman had a right to determine what was best for her body. No one, I thought, should be allowed to control the outcome of an unwanted pregnancy except for the mother. The male partner didn’t have rights to voice an opinion either. I actually don’t believe I thought the baby was a baby. In other words, I adopted the idea that he or she was a fetus of cells that weren’t fully developed and therefore disposable. There wasn’t anything in my mind that would have convinced me otherwise.

But God.

Something radical happened to all of my perceived notions of rights when God captured my heart with his gospel. Nothing was the same. As my heart was being transformed, so was my worldview. As I opened the word  I discovered that what I thought was a bunch of cells in a petri dish was actually the created work of God knitting and molding into a mothers’ womb (Psalm 139:13). God wasn’t creating a specimen. Rather he was creating a human—a man or woman made in His image.

Miscarriages proved to drive home this point as I continued to grow in Christ. I got it. I understood that my loss was real. I mourned the deaths of those babies because I knew that children were a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3). And now that I have two busy and joy-filled children, I understand the joy of a human being that has been born (John 16:21). Oh what joy!

And now with one of the most controversial, yet highly unpublicized trials underway I find myself weeping.

Kermit Gosnell, a 71 year old abortionist, is undertrial for the death of a patient and for performing grotesque procedures killing babies born breathing. For more detailed information about his case, Joe Carter, Editor at The Gospel Coalition, wrote a helpful article explaining the case and highlighting a documentary that gives more gruesome details of what this doctor did over the course of 30 years. The trial is underway and it has been reported that the Philadelphia judge has already dropped three murder charges.

Weep with Hope

There is an appropriate time for everything and now is an appropriate time for weeping (Ecclesiastes 3:4). We weep for those babies who lost their lives. We weep for the doctor, nurses, and staff who performed the procedures. We weep for the mother who lost her life and the teenage girl who changed her mind but was forced to abort regardless. We weep with the hundreds of thousands of mothers who are now weeping because of their decision to abort (some of which are near and dear to my heart). We weep with you, mothers. We don’t chastise you; we pray that your next decision would abstinence or life and swift repentance if it has been delayed.

But we don’t mourn as those without hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). We can weep with hope knowing that God sent his son Jesus as a propitiation for our sins and he will return vindicating his righteousness. He will make all things new. And we hope in that future grace because we know that his word is true. And though we are restless and ready for his return, we thank God that he is patient not wanting anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).

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